We all get comfortable in our relationships, particularly if they have lasted for a while. We forget those things that we did when our love was new – things that fostered the excitement of it all and that kept our relationship fresh. When you get too comfortable, two things can happen:
- You can look for that old excitement somewhere else. That is never a good thing if you want to stay in your current relationship. Having “flings” just to create excitement and experience newness takes the focus away from your long-term relationship, and you just don’t work on it anymore.
- You become complacent and just assume that this is the way things are when couples are in a long-term relationship. You just “settle” for what is and your relationship drifts along from day to day. You grow apart gradually and begin to live separate lives, even though you are still physically together.
Getting That Glow Back Again
It’s hard to know what will cause a couple to make a decision to take positive action on their relationship. For me, it occurred quite coincidentally. I realized that my partner and I were not doing those things that would keep our relationship stimulating and fresh. Here is what I learned from that research and the tips I can now pass onto others:
- First, answer the question that is the “elephant in the room.” Do you want this relationship to last over the long haul? If the answer is negative, you need, to be honest, and move on. But if that answer is yes, as was mine, then you need to take action.
- Communicate to your partner what you are feeling about your relationship and ensure that he or she wants to put that pizazz back into the relationship. Chances are, he or she is feeling the same way.
- All of the things on your list were things you did for each other or together that you do not do now. It’s time to get back to them and begin to incorporate them into your daily lives. Often, it’s the little things that have the biggest impact.
- Communication is another vital element of a relationship. When your relationship was new, you told each other everything and you gave emotional support to each other. Now, when you have a grueling day, you don’t talk about it with your partner – you just stew in your own “world” and let it consume your evening thoughts. When that happens, you are shutting each other out and you do not get the emotional support that you need. This is a relationship “killer.” And it may mean that you find someone else for that support.
- Go back to praising each other again. When your relationship was new, you focused on all of the great things about your partner and you verbalized them often. When is the last time you complimented your partner or praised him/her for something they did well or for just being thoughtful?
- Add the humor back. Think about it. Find ways to do that again. Watch a funny TV show together; share jokes; remind each other of funny events and incidents in your past.
Relationships can be re-kindled. It happens every day. What’s holding you back? Take a look at these tips and see how you can use them to get that “fire” back into your relationship.